High-Functioning Anxiety in Pastors: When Your “Ministry” Looks Perfect, But You’re Drowning Inside
You know the drill
Preaching, pastoral care, counseling, administrative duties, outreach, and always having a “listening ear” for others. It’s no wonder that pastors often appear from the outsie like superheroes with a divine calling and a pristine reputation. On the outside, everything looks blessed—your sermons are on point, your congregation adores you, and your wife/husband still puts up with you. But inside? You're holding on by the skin of your teeth, praying for that one moment of peace before your next “emergency” call.
What happens when the pressures of ministry and expectations start to stack up—quietly at first, but then piling on so high that breathing becomes a challenge? You guessed it: high-functioning anxiety. And if you're a pastor, you might have just learned to be really good at hiding it.
But here’s what they don’t teach you in Seminary: you can be a compassionate, dedicated pastor and still struggle with anxiety (believe me, I’ve been there!). And that’s okay. In fact, recognizing it is the first step toward healing.
What Is High-Functioning Anxiety and Why Should You Care?
First things first: high-functioning anxiety is not a buzzword—it’s a real mental health challenge. Imagine someone who appears to have it all together on the surface. They show up to work on time (and often early), meet most deadlines, and are the go-to person for advice. It’s like being a duck on a pond. On top, you're gliding gracefully across the water, but underneath, you're paddling like crazy! Behind that pastorly-polished exterior, you’re silently fighting an internal battle of constant worry, perfectionism, and the pressure to be everything to everyone—perhaps even questioning your calling. Sound familiar?
Here’s the breakdown: You might have high-functioning anxiety if you:
Feel the constant need to have an answer for every theological debate, existential crisis, and question about the church’s Wi-Fi password (yes, those do count).
Serve everyone else, but secretly wonder if anyone sees that you might need a nap. Or a hug. Or both.
Be the rock for others, while feeling like your own foundation is cracking.
Be constantly “on,” because even your downtime is filled with guilt about how much more you could be doing.
Live with an internal checklist that’s longer than the book of Psalms, and somehow still feel guilty when you miss something (even though you’ve got a solid 27 other things done).
The thing is, as a pastor, you might look like you’ve got it all together, but the internal world can be a different story. And you’re not alone in this struggle—high-functioning anxiety is common among those in caregiving roles. But for pastors, it’s particularly insidious because it directly interferes with the core of your work: ministry. So, let’s talk about how therapy can help you manage this beautifully chaotic combination of ministry and mental health
“You don’t have to be perfect to be a powerful pastor—you can also lead from a place that recognizes your own humanity.”
The Hidden Struggles: What High-Functioning Anxiety Can Look Like in Ministry
While many people understand what anxiety feels like in its more “visible” forms, high-functioning anxiety can often go unnoticed, even by those suffering from it. For pastors, symptoms may show up in ways that seem “normal” for their role, because high-functioning anxiety often hides in plain sight, and it can show up in sneaky ways that look like
Constant Over-Preparation: You rehearse your sermons repeatedly, not because you're refining your message, but because you're terrified of saying something wrong.
Perfectionism: You feel that you need to present a perfect image at all times, both in your ministry and personal life.
Chronic Guilt: You feel bad when you're not "doing enough"—whether it's for your congregation, your family, or yourself.
Emotional Fatigue: You’re always caring for others, but never really asking yourself how you’re doing emotionally.
Physical Symptoms: Constant headaches, tight shoulders, or stomach issues that seem to flare up when the stress hits its peak.
Debunking the Myth: "Pastors Should Always Be Strong" (Newsflash: You Can Be Human Too)
There’s a prevailing myth that pastors are “always strong” and must carry the weight of their congregation’s needs without complaint. Here’s the thing: this is absolutely false. In fact, it’s one of the most damaging misconceptions in ministry.
In fact research suggests that some of the best pastors are the ones who have embraced vulnerability, who recognize their own struggles, and who give themselves permission to ask for help. When pastors or leaders seek help with their anxiety, they’re more effective and present in their ministries (Hoge et al., 2017). It’s like asking for a good pair of supportive shoes instead of hobbling around in ripped up flip-flops all day.
And here's the kicker: When you allow yourself to get the help you need, you actually become a better, more effective pastor. Your ministry becomes more authentic because you’re speaking from a place of personal growth and resilience, not from a place of burnout or hidden suffering.
The peruse through the Bible and you’ll see “flawed” (read: human) leaders, even spiritual leaders experience moments of vulnerability, weakness, and need for support. As the apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians:
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)
This passage reminds us that even when we face challenges, we are not alone in our struggles, and it is through our vulnerability that God’s strength is made apparent.
“When you put down the weight of perfectionism, you’ll find your ministry becomes more authentic and your heart more at peace.”
How Therapy Can Help (Spoiler: It’s Not Just for “Crisis” Mode)
It’s easy to think that therapy is only for those “in crisis,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Therapy is a powerful tool for managing stress, addressing anxiety, and gaining a deeper understanding of yourself—your fears, your limits, and your calling. Research has found that interventions like therapy, stress management techniques, and a solid support system can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve overall well-being (Spitzer et al., 2006). There are various approaches, but Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Bowen Family Systems offer powerful frameworks for navigating the unique pressures pastors face.
Internal Family Systems (IFS):
IFS is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals better understand their internal world—specifically, the different “parts” of themselves. These parts often develop in response to past experiences and may carry unresolved emotional baggage, such as the fear of failure or the need for constant approval.
In the context of high-functioning anxiety in pastors, IFS allows you to explore the “parts” that are pushing you to perfectionism or to over-extend yourself for others. For instance, your “Caretaker” part might feel the need to always be there for your congregation, while your “Critic” part berates you for not doing enough, leaving you exhausted and anxious.
IFS can help you:
Identify and heal wounded parts of yourself that have been overworked or ignored for too long.
Cultivate compassion toward these parts, learning to balance their needs without letting them control your actions.
Create a healthier relationship with yourself, which directly impacts your ability to lead with empathy and understanding.
Bowen Family Systems:
Bowen Family Systems theory focuses on the emotional system within families and how anxiety within one member can ripple through an entire system. For pastors, this might mean navigating anxiety that stems from family expectations, church dynamics, or even historical patterns within the ministry itself.
One of the core principles of Bowen theory is differentiation of self—the ability to maintain your individuality and emotional integrity while still being connected to others. For pastors with high-functioning anxiety, Bowen’s concepts can help you:
Set healthier boundaries with your congregation, family, and even within your ministry team.
Understand how your own family of origin or church dynamics may be fueling anxiety.
Develop the emotional resilience to stay calm and clear-headed, even during moments of ministry-related stress.
These approaches empower you to better understand your emotional triggers and develop healthier responses—both for your own well-being and for the well-being of your ministry.
In a nutshell
High-functioning anxiety may not always be visible, but it’s real. Pastors, especially, may feel the weight of perfectionism, endless responsibility, and constant worry. Seeking therapy—especially using Internal Family Systems or Bowen Family Systems—can help you heal, regain balance, and show up more authentically for yourself and your ministry.
Let’s Break the Chains (of Anxiety, Not Your Ministry)
Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety doesn’t mean you’re unfit for your role as a pastor. In fact, recognizing your anxiety and seeking support is one of the most responsible things you can do for yourself, your ministry, and your family.
If you live in California and are looking for therapy near me or therapy for anxiety, I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist with experience helping pastors navigate the unique challenges of ministry life. Whether you prefer in-person therapy in Redlands, CA, or telehealth sessions across California, I’m here to help. Let’s talk about your unique needs and find the right approach for you—no awkward small talk required!
References:
Hoge, M. A., Austin, D. M., & Smith, C. P. (2017). Ministry burnout and clergy mental health. Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling, 71(4), 314-324.
Spitzer, R. L., Williams, J. B. W., & Kroenke, K. (2006). Validity and utility of the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD-7) scale. JAMA, 295(24), 3005-3012.
Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. New York: Jason Aronson.
Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.
This blog post was created with the assistance of AI to help with flow and organization.