Untangling Our Relationships Seminars

Dissect the troublesome relational dynamics that hurt Abraham’s family. Identifying these “old” family patterns helps unlock refreshing possibilities for our current relationships. We’ll ask questions like:

• What are some of Abraham’s “Family Rules”?

• What are the intergenerational patterns of behaviors?

• How to people handle anxiety and tension?

• Who are the villains? Who are the heroes?

We’ll also touch on the two big, overarching challenges God said that that families would face after humanity ate of the forbidden fruit. Spoiler alert: each of the four generations in Abraham’s family experience both of these big challenges—and drastically shape the unfolding of the family narrative.

We know the Abrahamic narrative in Genesis was not primarily written to answer family system questions, rather it was written to answer questions about the character of God in relationship (or in contrast!) to His creation. Yet, as we encounter the text through the smudgy one-way mirror of time, the narrator thought it was important for us to stumble upon a shocking amount of indelicate family drama. The narrator purposefully weaves these repetitious (and often unflattering) dynamics into the fabric of Abraham’s family tree—and perhaps witnessing this unguarded story offers us permission to explore ways to identify and untangle some of the patterned dynamics in our own family. Because the closer we read Genesis, the more we find rhythms of our own story in Abraham’s family.

You will learn the same concepts I teach couples in my therapy room (and graduate students in my classroom). This seminar offers a compelling new paradigm to explain why families act the way they do.

You will also explore how unresolved “generational” anxiety pursues us, eventually becoming trapped as part of the family system, which ultimately erodes our family’s emotional and relational future.

You will recognize how relational triangles and emotional cutoffs are common ways that families use to avoid facing hard truths—with destructive consequences rippling down to the next generations.

You will learn how shifting your mindset and behaviors can free family members from the baggage of generational millstones. It only takes one person to change a pattern. You have an opportunity to transform the present and future fabric of your family tree.

You will walk away with practical tools to untangle those tricky relationships and avoid common relational pitfalls, which then allows you to begin reweaving the fabric of your family. Redeeming the part you play in your family patterns can create powerful change that ripples down your family tree.

You will learn about the formation, attributes, and dynamics of relational triangles in order to help you more adaptively navigate your own triangles (and not inadvertently take on the distress of other people’s unresolved conflict).

The Untangling Our Relationships seminar has been well received at family weekends and couples retreats—yet being in a romantic relationship is not a prerequisite for benefiting from this seminar. In fact, I would not characterize this UOR seminar as a “couples seminar”…

Rather, this UOR seminar is crafted for anyone who struggles with the stuckness and stickiness of relationships—any relationship. We talk about rules learned in a family of origin, we talk about dynamics between romantic partners, we talk about navigating parent-child relationships, we talk about navigating relational triangles with friends and roommates—because it’s all connected, and it’s all relationship dynamics—and because all this unpolished family drama is uncomfortably front-and-center in Abraham’s story.

Because whatever we refuse to acknowledge…we will undoubtedly and unconsciously pass on to others.

Thus the UOR seminar content and activities can easily be tailored for single adults, couples, pre-marital couples, or adult families interested in learning about why families act the way they do. Audiences will also learn practical tools to untangle tricky relationships and can begin reweaving the fabric of their family.

Anxiety—along with the family dynamics that keep it stuck there—is passed down from generation to generation like a precious family heirloom. You have the power to decide whether to preserve this pattern.

This UOR seminar was specifically created for a Christian audience (who I'm assuming has some baseline familiarity with the Abraham story), and I lean heavily into the Abrahamic narrative for most of my examples showcasing various principles of family dynamics. This UOR seminar helps Christians better understand family dynamics in the revered biblical text (because even families of great faith have maladaptive family dynamics!) which helps give the audience permission to notice the patterns in their own families.

I’ve been on an exegetical journey since 2010, diving into the Abrahamic narrative (Genesis 11-50) which provides an unflatteringly rich case study of patterned family dynamics. I employ an interdisciplinary approach (Biblical Exegesis, Family Studies, and Marriage and Family Therapy) to better understand their (and our) family dynamics.

I believe this reinterpretation of Abraham’s story offers fresh insights into the family behaviors, family rules, and how this family managed anxiety/distress/conflict. This new perspective also gives us “permission” to examine our own family dynamics as we explore more adaptive ways to navigate our family systems.

This last piece is important, because some Christians are a bit hesitant to acknowledge the intergenerational transmission of dysfunctional patterns in their own family—but if we can clearly see these patterns woven within the great patriarch’s family…then maybe it is okay to become more aware of what might be happening in our own family (instead of continuing the same ol’ patterned behaviors)?! Because whatever you refuse to acknowledge, you’ll unconsciously repeat and teach to others.

I’m ultimately interested in increasing insight about our own behavior patterns and replacing outdated paradigms (of family behavior and functioning) in order to see ourselves, our families, and future possibilities in a new light—and then offering you practical tools to immediately start untangling those challenging relationships.

So, if you are wanting a seminar highlighting the “Top 10 ways to infuse love back into your romantic relationships,” then this UOR seminar may not be what you’re looking for. However, if you are interested in a seminar that (a) bridges the gap between 4,000 year-old biblically-spicy family drama and our current family predicaments, and (b) teaches your church family a refreshing and practical way to relate to themselves and to others, then Untangling Our Relationships Seminar is right up your ally!

Contact me at untanglingourrelationships@gmail.com and let’s find a way to make this happen!